This post is part of my Cancer & Healing journal, an archive of the updates I wrote while going through treatment for Stage III rectal cancer. These entries reflect what I knew and felt at the time.

Eight days post chemoradiation, and I won’t lie.

It’s inconvenient. It’s painful. And I’m praying this is the peak before some relief finally shows up.

Apparently everything I’m feeling is “normal,” which sounds like a cruel little joke.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think my days would be filled with what can only be described as adult diaper rash, burning, shards of glass and dragon’s breath flaming movements.

Yet here we are.

Imodium is a friend until it isn’t, and MiraLAX has somehow become a morning ritual.

Cancer treatment is glamorous like that.

But I’m here, armed with humor, ointments and faith that healing is coming soon. 🔥🩹🙏

Looking Back

This was the part I hadn’t fully understood when I celebrated finishing chemoradiation eight days earlier.

The last radiation treatment isn’t necessarily the day the side effects stop.

I had crossed the finish line, but my body hadn’t.

The cumulative effects of pelvic radiation were still very much making themselves known, and those days immediately afterward were some of the most uncomfortable of the entire six weeks.

And yes, “shards of glass” and “dragon’s breath” were fairly accurate descriptions.

There was also this ridiculous balancing act happening between diarrhea and constipation. Take Imodium because everything is moving too fast. Suddenly nothing is moving. Bring in MiraLAX. Repeat as necessary while questioning every life choice that somehow led to spending this much time thinking about your own bowel movements.

Welcome to rectal cancer.

But something else was happening by then too.

I was healing.

It didn’t feel much like healing yet. Healing isn’t always the moment when you suddenly feel better. Sometimes you’re still standing in the wreckage while your body has already quietly begun repairing itself.

I just couldn’t see much evidence of that on November 20.

For someone in the days after pelvic radiation

If you’ve finished chemoradiation and expected to immediately start feeling better, only to discover that your body apparently didn’t receive the memo, I remember that feeling.

Finishing treatment and recovering from treatment are two different things.

My experience is only my own, and significant or worsening symptoms should always be discussed with your radiation or oncology team. But for me, those first days after finishing were still very much part of the treatment experience.

At eight days out, I was hoping I had finally reached the peak.

What I needed most at that point wasn’t another finish line.

I needed my body to catch up.

And eventually, it did.